Didn't realise how far behind I was in posting these....its amazing how a pinprick of light can make the spark of hope rekindle itself but how with it the fears of confusion arise also. That's life I suppose.

Someone asked me the other day if I was pregnant. "God, No" I replied, where do these people get these ideas from. Do they think that I need that added complication. For some reason they thought that this would be easier....warped is the only word I think that I can use to describe this method of thought.....

I went off today and let the very warm breeze rush through my hair, both the cobwebs that cluttered G and my brain were swept away with the solitary joy that comes with seeing nobody while you go for a good amble across stream and field up hill and down dale. Over sixty jumps and loving every minute. Now I'm absolutely knackered - my arms feel like they've been pulled and then pushed back into their sockets and yet the muddle of cobwebs return. What a shame there is no window in our head that we can open any time that we want. Wouldn't that be great? I think that mine might be open all the time though....

Its so amazing how much difference a year can make. Its just a thrill to see how much work - the blood sweat and tears can come into fruition and be seen in work in something that really goes to plan. Makes a change!! Ever thought that you could set of and just keep going, on and on and on. Keep going until there is nowhere left to go. Is it a form of escapism? that like all escapism can only be felt and thus experienced for a moment, a fleeting moment at that. Or is it possible ? I am not sure! I love to feel the wind in my hair, the feel of freedom, whether with G or in another vehicle where the wind blows through your hair and stings your eyes. When you feel as if there is nobody else in the world and that there is no other form of life, visible to the eye; except perhaps that fond in the most barren of places where there is no way you would think that life could exist. Being to profound again.

Above and beyond anything there were a few hours today when I felt like me again. Free, without judgment and expectation. That maybe at least in one thing it is possible, even for me to say that I may not be such a failure in life as I thought. That despite all the heartache an the failure and the shit that seems to either found me or I have found there is one thing that remains true to form and that is G. Knowing that despite the criticisms and contentious talk all the decisions that I have made about her have been the right decisions.

Regret for this year - no photos......