Hey everyone, whose not reading this. well, so what... Another day in limbo. Has anyone ever had those days when they just can't be arsed to fight anything or anyone. The most that they can do is drag themselves from their bed for some non essential reason. Well, I managed that today, as I do everyday. I rode and then returned to the limbo that is surrounding me and has been of late away from the public eye.

Anyone, ever had a day when their mind won't shut up. God! I wish mine would shut up. I need it to give it the fuck a rest...its like those really annoying adverts that you get on the t.v. - You know the ones that they play time and again and all you want to do is throw the set through the highest window in a desperate attempt to shut the fucking thing up. Unfortunately, for me, save jumping out the window myself, something strongly considered on many occasions I am unable to do that with my mind.

Haven't slept in soo... long! 4 hours in the last two weeks and well the last three days have been hell. Least before there was something good to think about. Partner that with the fact that I've not eaten in 82 hours I am feeling decidedly vampiric. No, not Twilight vampiric, I hear to ghast in shock. Something more like a cross between Dracula and a kid out the "Lost Boys". They say that Vampires are people that have bargined with the devil. Maybe, I have, it certainly does feel at the moment like I'm caught in the depths of the earth. Those hidden bowels where great caverns and chasms split through her very heart and lick with flames, something tountamount to the end scences in the J.R.R. Tolkien books collectively known as "The Lord of the Rings". I feel like I'm on the verge of hallucinagenic collapse , but as Pat Benatar said "My body's not that kind".

Used to love the way that I could stay awake for hours, watching the hours tick by on the clock and see the world sleep, but then listen to the endless and very incessant way that it would go about its buisness during the day. I'm tired of that though there is no longer a sense of comfort in these graveyard hours. The only benifit is that you can never complain that there is never enough hours in the day.

My nights are pregnant - pregnant with a sense of lonliness now. Perry Como once said "I guess they understand how lonely life has been, but life began again the day you took my hand...And, yes I know how loveless life can be, the shadows follow me and the night won't set me free". I know, its soppy and sentimental, well sometimes there is a need for soppy and sentimental and that is maybe what has been missing in my life. I've never really been that type. But, yes, but there is one thing that is never talked about and this is the cynical part that we all love to forget. Or, not forget but convieniently ignore for as long as possible. That is, that it is only a matter of time before that person lets go of your hand and sends you straight back to the prison that they had released you from.Life is a bitch and as someone quoted to me, "to live is to die!!!". Its in this time that we find ourselves split into two groups, are we not? Some forgive, forget and try again if that person wants to, the other put two fingers in the air and say "FUCK YOU". Well, I'm not that kind and am a strong believer that only you know what is best for you at the time and what will make you happy. My advise then, never let someone rule you, impose their own beliefs and opinions onto you, let them live their lives as they wish to and you the way that you want.

Hey all you insomniacs out there, what do you think to this, have you ever felt this way? The best nights sleep I have ever had was when I was touching someone else's skin, letting their skin warm mine and watching the gentle rise and fall of their chest as they breathed. Listening to their heart thud rythmically steady as they slept. Watching the person that you care deeply for sleep is the best sleeping tonic you could imagine. And, believe me, I've tried them all. But God is it lonely when they up and leave you. The prospect of being awake alnight never again has that same meaning....