Hey! wasn't sure what I was going to procrastinate about today and then it came to me... how about "girls having fun". We all do it, don't we girls? hide that vixen deep within us... I wonder why we never let her out. Yeah, we all have fun - don't we? but there is always that part of us that stays reserved and allow out only when we're completely alone.

Men having been doing it for years, letting themselves go, and liberating themselves but why did we hide behind the mask of reservation and propriety. Why? we went through the pains and anguishes of the suffragette movement, even in the '60s with the movement of burning bras there was still the disapproval associated with women being liberated an having fun that was not associated with men. Doesn't seem right to me. And, I'm not just talking about sexual liberation! Emily Pankhurst would be turning in her grave.

Maybe my view is clouded. I've never had the chance to have fun. There seems to always be an emitting circumstance to stop me. In a way I suspect there will always be, however I hope I get the chance to try...and try with someone who would not suspect me to be SO... well mad when the tunes begin, why not start to jump about when you hear a song you like. Its about freedom, isn't it girls? and we all need freedom, if we don't have freedom and the fun that's associated with then life just becomes androgynous.

Can someone tell me why we always start having fun when we at first taste freedom and then as fast as we experience it, it dies and the fun that we have becomes to take on the shape of what we saw our parents say was fun... seeing the look of resignation and longing in their eyes, for something more, better? Someone of us gain our freedom early and others have to wait, it comes to them like a tsunami, washing them along giving them no chance to catch their breathe and understand what is happening to them. But, one thing that remains is that none of us are the same again. Yes, as we age the idea of fun should and will without doubt change, but my advise to everyone and myself is enjoy every minute, life is too short and there is too much hurt and tribulation for us to become resigned. If your not having fun, then shout it out, change it for your own sake!!!!

I hear you cry, "some of us have plenty of fun", I know, I know, but there is the issue of confidence (let me digress a minute, any one heard the song "The Girl's Got No Confidence", about a woman who seems to have brains looks etc shes got no confidence. I dare say there is not one woman out there that at one point has felt so good about themselves that they think they've got everything and yet no confidence. hear it on my face book wall). Some of us only know an audience of the hoover and a stage that is the living room, our outfit, well for me at least - the sexiest, I own and I have some very sexy underwear, all the way from Japan. The fact I look like something out of Mrs Doubt fire (see my face book wall) is beside the point. Whereas, the rest of you have the confidence to take advantage of every event that you can have fun. I had a new experience the other day, I went to a pub (don't you dare laugh! No I've never been to a pub before) and as we were leaving the people that I was with started to talk about a local nightclub. Every bone in my body screamed lets go! I stepped out of myself and didn't recognise me! but hey, we didn't and I still want to go.

Come on girls, have you never been in that position when the judgments or ideas/opinions that people have of you are shattered. Bulldozed like a building condemned for demolition. Don't you love the look on their face. Whether its just liberation of having fun or whether its sexual liberation, there is a look of complete shock mixed with enjoyment which they cannot hide. Especially us girls! you know the ones of us that I mean! those of us that look prim and proper, straight laced, with our top button done up and appear - quite frankly anally boring!!!! I don't know what you lot think, but I think that is the one thing that is better. You can appear to everyone in the light of day to be a fine upstanding citizen. But, behind closed doors... why should women adopt the approach that we lie back and think of England... Embrace fun and have fun playing with someone (you make what you want of that comment, I have been accused of double entente before and don't care!). I'm an innocent still, a true virgin. But, when you've been given the precursor to a taste of real fun and then are left burning you do start to have a very over active imagination. Is there anything wrong with that girls?

Freedom is coming my way slowly, very slowly but the taste of it is like a vintage champagne and I intend to savour every minute. I know who I want and how I want that fun, its time for rebellion, even if it has to be behind closed doors and away from the day job. After all, we all have responsibilities don't we. The prospect of dancing the night away, raising the night and not lying back and thinking of England is on the menu for me, but I ask you all, how long, I wonder will the meal take to prepare. My suggestion, tell me, is it right? Some of the best meals take the longest to prepare. The key though is for it to always be an experience that never tarnishes, never becomes old.

Maybe, that why some one today said to me that my swan had emerged from the ugly duckling and now I needed to get out and get what and who I want. To not let the ugly duckling reemerge. I laughed it off, but there is some truth and that's why I intend to somehow join the gangs of girls out there that are having fun....if that means playing the long game then so be it. I always a stayer! I can't see everyone embracing this new me as much as I wish too. I'm not that different, not all but, there is a fire burning inside me and I don't want that spark to disappear.